The Soy Lunatic

2008-03-13T22:48:00.001-05:00

a little too harsh
okay, so my last blog was a little, no, WAY too harsh. i was just angry at myself. i know it was my choice. no one else could have made it for me. sometimes i just get too overwhelmed and feel like it is the only option. rather than acting negatively on it i should do something constructive. that was my mistake. no one elses.
i am sick of being hurt. and sometimes i have no control over the things that are hurting me, but most of the time i am the one responsible. i need to grow up and accept that. if i want a better life, than i need to move on. who cares what you are doing? do what you want to do.
just know that if you are doing those things, i cannot and will not be around you. im sorry. thats just how it has to be. i have to protect myself so that i am not doing this forever. trust me i would love to party the rest of my life, but deep down i have goals and higher motives than that. plus there is no honesty and reliability in drug world. and that is something i highly value.
i love you all and i am sorry if i hurt anyones feelings. i will have to remember next time i am pissed not to write on my blog. or at least censor it a little. oh well at least i got my point across.
anna

ranting

2008-03-09T21:13:00.001-05:00

lately ive learned a few things...

1. sometimes the people you love most hurt u the most.

2. sometimes those same people lie to you and refuse to answer your phone calls with no explanation.

also, there are people in my life that i do not need in my life right now. DO NOT TEMPT ME to do things i do not want to do.

I DONT WANT ALCOHOL OR PILLS OR ANYTHING ELSE

i want someone i can trust and i hate the fact that i keep hurting the people i love the most. like my parents. the other night was bad, but it will not happen again. i just need some reliable people in my life who arent flakey and dont drag me down. i love yall but if you are gonna drag me down, id rather be alone. i am going to make something of myself and continue to go through school even though its been a bumpy ride. please do not contact me if you want to party because i dont. i just have to make it through the next two or three months and then i dont have to mess with this bullshit anymore.

if you are one of those people LEAVE ME ALONE. i will not be stuck in this level of life forever. i am ready to grow up and move on and if you are not than you can stay behind.

anna

Sarah: Find My Way

2008-02-21T17:06:00.001-06:00

She was truly a beautiful person.

Same old crap

2007-11-28T23:31:00.000-06:00

Today was a pretty good day. I went to both of my classes and tried to register for Spring '08 Classes, but it turns out I can't register for math or science until I complete my remedial math class... It's soooooo stupid!!! Amber and I had our schedules all planned out so that we would have most of classes together and I would only have school tuesday-thursday, which would be AMAZING, but of course its too good ot be true... soo, Amber and I are going to talk to an advisor tomorrow when I get out of class and then we are going to this skincare study thing that pays $300 if you qualify! So I am just hoping I get in because that would totally solve the money issue... Tomorrow is going to be sooo busy... I have to squeeze a test in between my two classes tomorrow as well. Well, I am at Amber's house so I need to go so I'm home at a decent hour...
anna

Check out my FunPix!

2007-11-27T23:57:00.001-06:00

And life goes on...

2007-11-27T23:30:00.000-06:00

Sorry I haven't written in awhile... life has been very busy lately. I have two research papers due very soon (next week I think...) and one is 3-5 pgs and the other is 5-7 pgs... I've been doing a lot of research, but I get confused and distracted and I haven't even started writing either paper... You know how some people just don't get certain concepts? (like math for example) well, one of the things i just don't get is research papers. Although, I have had quite a bit of help from friends and my dad about the easiest way to go about researching and writing... I hate having to cite things and research and bla bla bla... I like papers that I can just sit down and b.s. my way through... Those are easy.
Anywayz, my Thanksgiving was good. My best friend Amber came over and hung out with us because she didn't want to go to her grandparents' house in the middle of nowhere... We're practically joined at the hip these days... She is going to transfer to Northlake next semester so we can carpool and hopefully have a couple of classes together or something. That will be awesome.
Oh ya, a couple of days ago I got ANOTHER speeding ticket... Stupid cops (I know, I know it wasn't their fault I was speeding)... So much for buying everyone nice Christmas gifts... My money is going to be really tight by the time I pay off my ticket... Hopefully I can take defensive driving with Amber who also recently got a ticket... I think we are going to court to get the information we need on thursday... I hate speed limits... and I hate driving a yellow car (too visible.. haha)...
Well, I should probably get some sleep...
~Anna

update

2007-10-27T23:48:00.000-05:00

Well, we're in Colorado and having lots of fun. Every time I come up here I want to move here, but it's so hard because I don't want to leave the fam. Ugh. I hate making decisions. Maybe I will figure out my future plans in the next year or so.. Anywayz, we ate some really good food today, but now I am sick. So, that sucks. Kendra wants us to go to church tomorrow, but I am feeling rather apathetic... It is soooo cold here! I mean, not to the people who live here (I saw a guy wearing shorts today), but definitely to the visiting Texans. Everyone went to bed, but I am wide awake... probably the constant flow of caffeine, which is another factor of why I feel like crap. I bought some huge, comfy sweatpants from the CSU Bookstore today. I love them! Oh, and I am so proud... I've only had about 6 cigarettes total in the last 2 days! Yay! I am so sick of smoking. Yuck. Of course, I can't really take the credit. It's the Chantix. So we were talking about South Park and The Simpsons and stupid, but funny episodes. It was pretty funny. Sometimes I think John should be a stand-up comedian. I don't want to go home tomorrow. At least we have a late evening flight. I do miss Caroline and the kids... but I missed school on Thursday and Friday (Friday was by accident, thursday was on purpose) and I am not looking forward to playing "catch-up"... blegh. stupid responsibility. Oh but the good thing is I will get a somewhat decent (sp?) paycheck next week because I worked a VERY long shift on Wednesday. I was at work until about 1 a.m! Anywayz, I am losing interest in blogging now, so I will do something else now, thanx 4 reading! xoxo Banana

wow

2007-10-08T23:50:00.000-05:00

nothing quite like a controversial picture...

ouch. no comments on the last blog... haha. well, maybe if i wrote more often, people would actually read it. i don't know why i am still awake. i should go to bed like a normal human being, but i am too busy wasting time on the computer. so, i am joining all the blog sites just to see the differences cuz i am a loser... so far i've joined myspace, blogger, facebook, hi5, and bebo.... that's what people who don't have a life do for fun.. :) but.. my mom and i did get a lot done on my room today. i am planning on moving into my brothers old room mostly because it is quite a bit bigger and i could definitely use a desk.(i couldn't get one in my room now) i actually started a filing system and boxed up some old journals and stuff like that. i ran into some really cute old pictures. mostly of me and my family when i was really little. awww. good times. anyways, my eyes feel like they are going to explode from staring at the computer screen for so long, so i'll leave it at that for now.

xoxo nannerz

phew...

2007-09-17T17:18:00.000-05:00

haha... the comic has nothing to do with anything, so don't try to make sense out of it ;)
well, we had my grandma's 80th birthday party yesterday and although it was fun, i am relieved that it is over. i am exhausted. we've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to get everything ready for the party... now everyone has left and flown home to Kansas City and pretty soon everything will be back to normal. i went to school today and found out that my psychology teacher is fluent in sign language! i was so excited. she loves psychology and sign language... me too! :) anywayz, i am downloading all of my cd's onto my laptop (and carolines cds) and i think i am going to buy a new ipod with more memory because mine only has 1GB and it hardly holds anything... see ya later... anna

rad, dude.

2007-09-08T00:20:00.000-05:00

so... i had a lot of fun tonight. i finally got my lip peirced. it didn't hurt as bad as i thought it would. cleaning it is a pain, but oh well... oh, and i pretty much have to live off of yogurt and oatmeal and mushy foods for awhile... kinda hard to get used to. i hope to have pics up soon... just need to find the darn cord that connects my camera to my computer... maybe if my room wasn't a pigsty... haha ya right. anyways, i am sleepy and my eyes are burning cuz i've had my contacts in waaay too long, so nighty night.

ps hope i don't get fired tomorrow... (for the lip ring) i don't think i will...

back to the doctor...

2007-08-22T13:44:00.000-05:00

Caroline gave me a 3 question survey to answer in my next blog, so here it goes...
1. what are you most nervous about starting college next week?
getting lost, not knowing what to do, not understanding what the teacher is saying...
2. what do you most look forward to about starting college next week?
learning (instead of working all the time, moving forward with my education so i don't have to
work at TJ Maxx the rest of my life...
3. what was the message YOU got out of the sermon last night at IBC?
wow... i always get a lot out of the sermon there... i learned that you can't focus your
happiness on your happenings; when the world starts to spin, hold on to God; just because
you're a good person, doesn't mean bad things won't happen to you; and nothing is fatal,
because we are eternal (if we're saved).

Also, as you probably guessed from the title of my blog, I am sick AGAIN (@$#&%#$@$#)!!! So, I am trying to get ahold of my doctor, but they like to take a very long lunch... My throat has never hurt this bad in my entire life. I woke up at 4a.m. last night and tossed and turned till about 11a.m. and then fell asleep and conveniently missed my counseling appointment. I tried calling my counselor, but I think she went to lunch as well... Needless to say, I'm kinda pissed off... I am trying to remind myself that nothing happens that you can't fix with God's help... However I am an extremely pessimistic person about 90% of the time, so that's not easy... Well, I just got into the doctor, so I gotta go...
xoxo anna

i'm "sick" cough, cough...

2007-08-11T19:25:00.000-05:00

so i called in sick today because the whole family was coming over along with some friends from out-of-town... my manager was like, "well, next time you come in to work, we'll have to talk about this." in my head, i was like, "whatever, this is a seven dollar and hour job and you want me to stress out over it?" i have only called in like 2 or 3 times since i've been working there. (which is like 5 or 6 months)... plus, i stay late like every day that i work, so they need to get over it. i am also scheduled to work tomorrow from 1 to close and my availability says i DONT WORK ON SUNDAYS!!! so, either i will have to call in and tell them that, or miss church... ugh. i need a better job. as in, not retail. or fastfood. or food at all. hmm... maybe i should go to a temp agency after i start school... we'll see. i really don't hate my job, it just drives me nuts... well, that's all for now... xoxo banana

friday night

2007-08-10T23:48:00.000-05:00

haha...
so i kinda figured out that i have no life tonight.... i finally got a friday night off of work and i went home, took a nap, went to an NA meeting, went to starbucks, and came home before 11pm... pretty pathetic. that's okay. i've been getting really annoyed with my work lately. yesterday, i was supposed to get off at 4, but ended up getting off at 6, so that screwed up all my plans, but my mom and i went shopping, so it wasn't that bad. its just so irritating that they ask me to stay late every time i work. i'm like, if you need me to work more hours, why don't you just schedule me for more hours? that way, i don't have to cancel plans all the time. anyways, enough ranting. i was listening to tori amos earlier and i fell in love with her voice all over again. i hadn't listened to her music in so long. i feel like everything else i have to say is pessimistic and shows my irritability, so i guess i'll go to bed... xoxo nannerz

something other than my back...

2007-08-09T23:05:00.001-05:00

New Tat

2007-07-29T21:25:00.001-05:00

here's my new tattoo...

about time for another post...

2007-07-28T11:52:00.000-05:00

well, my sister convinced me that i can always write about something, so.... here goes nothing...
we have a lot of people staying at our house right now, but i am actually enjoying the company. i absolutely loooove the Tharps (family friends that are staying with us) and of course i love my cousin, his wife, and their kids. Caroline and Jarrod and the kids had a campout in the guest bedroom as well. i don't mind company when its people i love.
also, i might have mono, which sucks. i have had to call into work sick like three times so far... i hope they don't fire me... oh well. its so hard not to give Cole kisses and stuff, but i don't want to get anyone sick-especially a little baby... the good thing is that i have an excuse to sleep alot, because thats what the doctor said to do.
oh, and i am thoroughly PISSED at Jarrod's uncle because he's a #@!#@!#!!!!
well, that's about all for today...
xoxo anna

College, Here I Come

2007-07-25T15:16:00.000-05:00

I took the accuplaser test today for Northlake Community College. I am getting excited, but nervous about college. I love learning new things and getting smarter and meeting new people and everything, but I feel like college is going to be so much harder than high school. Then again they don't call it HIGH school for no reason.... lol. It will be much easier to focus and retain information in college. Plus, I can't wait for the diversity of the people at Northlake. Someone told me you have to go through a "bleach machine" to live in Flower Mound... so true! Haha. That's why as soon as I am able to move out (in year or two), I am going to. And I am going to try not to live in Flower Mound, Highland Village, Southlake or any other bleach city... Anyways, as always, I am procrastinating and should be taking a shower because I woke up about two hours late and had to run out the door to take my test.... I love you all! xoxo Anna

Nag, nag, nag...

2007-07-18T22:02:00.001-05:00

I drove my mom's yellow VW Beetle tonight for the first time and I LOVE it!!! I want it so bad, and she wants a new car, but there is no way I could possibly make payments on it :( ... Oh well, I guess I will have to stick with the Altima...

I went and applied at Northlake today and got a testing referral for my placement test. I am really excited about starting school next month! Trust me, I do NOT want to work for TJ Maxx for the rest of my life (although it's okay for now...)

Well, I guess it is safe to let everyone know I got a new tattoo, now that my parents know. It is a faerie and it is on my back. My sister said she would post a picture of it either on Myspace or ono her blog, so when she does, I'll either copy it or have someone take another one so I can post it and all that...

[Oh, the reason for the title, "Nag, nag, nag..." is that everyone is always asking, "when are you going to post again?"]

That's all I got, Anna

chillin by the pool

2007-07-15T16:16:00.000-05:00

I'm just sitting out by the pool next to my mom and Cole, watching Caroline and Mahna play in the water. We are listening to my new Cranberries CD. If you have never heard their song, Salvation, I highly reccomend you look it up online. It is one of my favorite songs ever. Anyway, so I went to church with my parents this morning at their Presbyterian church and I was surprised, but I actually liked it. It was much more conservative than what I am used to, but it was very warm and the pastor was very friendly. I was supposed to go to my friend Kim's neice's birthday party, but my parents just got back from Colorado and they were gonna have all of our family over. Anyways, it's hot and I'm getting restless, so I'm gonna get off the computer and hang out with my family.

xoxo Anna

procrastination

2007-07-09T17:50:00.000-05:00

I have so many things that I could be doing that would actually be productive, but instead I am on the computer, wasting time... My room looks like a bomb went off because it's such a mess and I should clean the bathrooms and vacuum and all that, but things just keep coming up and I get distracted. I am hoping and praying that tomorrow I can just clean with little or no interruptions. (don't get me wrong, normally I like getting sidetracked... but I only have a couple days more off work...) I am soo exhausted! I hardly got any sleep last night because I was fiddle-farting forever... haha. Well, I did it again, I walked off and left my straightener on when I was supposed to be coming downstairs to get my purse... What can I say? I'm easily distracted.
xoxo Anna

graduation pics

2007-07-05T20:25:00.000-05:00

me graduating and stuff...

the whole gang at graduation...

our crazy family...