a little too harsh
okay, so my last blog was a little, no, WAY too harsh. i was just angry at myself. i know it was my choice. no one else could have made it for me. sometimes i just get too overwhelmed and feel like it is the only option. rather than acting negatively on it i should do something constructive. that was my mistake. no one elses.
i am sick of being hurt. and sometimes i have no control over the things that are hurting me, but most of the time i am the one responsible. i need to grow up and accept that. if i want a better life, than i need to move on. who cares what you are doing? do what you want to do.
just know that if you are doing those things, i cannot and will not be around you. im sorry. thats just how it has to be. i have to protect myself so that i am not doing this forever. trust me i would love to party the rest of my life, but deep down i have goals and higher motives than that. plus there is no honesty and reliability in drug world. and that is something i highly value.
i love you all and i am sorry if i hurt anyones feelings. i will have to remember next time i am pissed not to write on my blog. or at least censor it a little. oh well at least i got my point across.
anna

ranting

lately ive learned a few things...

1. sometimes the people you love most hurt u the most.

2. sometimes those same people lie to you and refuse to answer your phone calls with no explanation.

also, there are people in my life that i do not need in my life right now. DO NOT TEMPT ME to do things i do not want to do.

I DONT WANT ALCOHOL OR PILLS OR ANYTHING ELSE

i want someone i can trust and i hate the fact that i keep hurting the people i love the most. like my parents. the other night was bad, but it will not happen again. i just need some reliable people in my life who arent flakey and dont drag me down. i love yall but if you are gonna drag me down, id rather be alone. i am going to make something of myself and continue to go through school even though its been a bumpy ride. please do not contact me if you want to party because i dont. i just have to make it through the next two or three months and then i dont have to mess with this bullshit anymore.

if you are one of those people LEAVE ME ALONE. i will not be stuck in this level of life forever. i am ready to grow up and move on and if you are not than you can stay behind.

anna

Sarah: Find My Way

She was truly a beautiful person.

Same old crap

Today was a pretty good day. I went to both of my classes and tried to register for Spring '08 Classes, but it turns out I can't register for math or science until I complete my remedial math class... It's soooooo stupid!!! Amber and I had our schedules all planned out so that we would have most of classes together and I would only have school tuesday-thursday, which would be AMAZING, but of course its too good ot be true... soo, Amber and I are going to talk to an advisor tomorrow when I get out of class and then we are going to this skincare study thing that pays $300 if you qualify! So I am just hoping I get in because that would totally solve the money issue... Tomorrow is going to be sooo busy... I have to squeeze a test in between my two classes tomorrow as well. Well, I am at Amber's house so I need to go so I'm home at a decent hour...
anna

Check out my FunPix!

And life goes on...

Sorry I haven't written in awhile... life has been very busy lately. I have two research papers due very soon (next week I think...) and one is 3-5 pgs and the other is 5-7 pgs... I've been doing a lot of research, but I get confused and distracted and I haven't even started writing either paper... You know how some people just don't get certain concepts? (like math for example) well, one of the things i just don't get is research papers. Although, I have had quite a bit of help from friends and my dad about the easiest way to go about researching and writing... I hate having to cite things and research and bla bla bla... I like papers that I can just sit down and b.s. my way through... Those are easy.
Anywayz, my Thanksgiving was good. My best friend Amber came over and hung out with us because she didn't want to go to her grandparents' house in the middle of nowhere... We're practically joined at the hip these days... She is going to transfer to Northlake next semester so we can carpool and hopefully have a couple of classes together or something. That will be awesome.
Oh ya, a couple of days ago I got ANOTHER speeding ticket... Stupid cops (I know, I know it wasn't their fault I was speeding)... So much for buying everyone nice Christmas gifts... My money is going to be really tight by the time I pay off my ticket... Hopefully I can take defensive driving with Amber who also recently got a ticket... I think we are going to court to get the information we need on thursday... I hate speed limits... and I hate driving a yellow car (too visible.. haha)...
Well, I should probably get some sleep...
~Anna

update

Well, we're in Colorado and having lots of fun. Every time I come up here I want to move here, but it's so hard because I don't want to leave the fam. Ugh. I hate making decisions. Maybe I will figure out my future plans in the next year or so.. Anywayz, we ate some really good food today, but now I am sick. So, that sucks. Kendra wants us to go to church tomorrow, but I am feeling rather apathetic... It is soooo cold here! I mean, not to the people who live here (I saw a guy wearing shorts today), but definitely to the visiting Texans. Everyone went to bed, but I am wide awake... probably the constant flow of caffeine, which is another factor of why I feel like crap. I bought some huge, comfy sweatpants from the CSU Bookstore today. I love them! Oh, and I am so proud... I've only had about 6 cigarettes total in the last 2 days! Yay! I am so sick of smoking. Yuck. Of course, I can't really take the credit. It's the Chantix. So we were talking about South Park and The Simpsons and stupid, but funny episodes. It was pretty funny. Sometimes I think John should be a stand-up comedian. I don't want to go home tomorrow. At least we have a late evening flight. I do miss Caroline and the kids... but I missed school on Thursday and Friday (Friday was by accident, thursday was on purpose) and I am not looking forward to playing "catch-up"... blegh. stupid responsibility. Oh but the good thing is I will get a somewhat decent (sp?) paycheck next week because I worked a VERY long shift on Wednesday. I was at work until about 1 a.m! Anywayz, I am losing interest in blogging now, so I will do something else now, thanx 4 reading! xoxo Banana